The Struggle is Real.

The parenting struggle is real. Its impact on marriage is very real, too.

What does one do to navigate better?

Attend a parenting seminar of course (and make it a date night)!

In March 2019, my husband and I went to see outstanding motivational presenter Bruce Sullivan present at our kids’ school. (We are so fortunate our very dedicated Principal arranged for Bruce to present his seminar to us parents.)

Some gems from parenting seminar:

👉We Chose This. Being married. Being a parent. We chose it. So, when we need to wake up in the middle of the night to change a nappy, or when kids are at your ankle demanding your attention, just remember we chose this!

👉When we get into “Whose Had The Worse Day Competition”, that’s when we’re doomed as a unit.

👉INTENTION vs IMPACT. It’s great we intend to be kind, patient. But intention means nothing to husband and kids if our behavioural impact does not match the intention. What will stand out to them is that you were short, demanding and unpleasant. (for example).

👉That the WINDSCREEN is bigger than the REAR VIEW MIRROR. Just keep looking forward.

Blown away with the content, delivery and vital message, of course I reached out to Bruce!

I asked him if he’d share his wisdom with you guys.

And he agreed.

So I emailed you.

And asked you what challenges are on parenting front?

And if it impacts your marriage?

It was unanimous. COMMUNICATION is struggle street for us all.

So here it is, guys. I bring to you the conversation I had with Bruce Sullivan. We had such good laughs!

COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE SERIES

It’s broken into 5 parts. I recommend you listen to all 5, as Bruce offers so many actionable tips you can apply STRAIGHT AWAY.

[First time interviewing - nervous as! He’s sought after by the likes of Virgin Australia! LOADS of oils helped me relax (Lavender), get my words out (Spearmint), and more importantly to really connect with Bruce (Marjoram and Cedarwood). He is a total legend for making me feel so comfortable. We had a tonne of fun!]

The key to making lasting changes in marriage is doing the small and consistent action. That’s when IMPACT occurs. Even if you get 1 or 2 key ideas from this series, start with that. Most of all, just have fun with it!

You can learn more about Bruce Sullivan and his incredible work at brucesullivan.com.au

So incredibly grateful for his time to share his wisdom. What a gift.

Hope you love this conversation and get something out of it.

If you did, please share this blog article with someone who else who may need it.

x Nat

"Soo.... are you a therapist or a counsellor or something?" asked my aunt.

ABOVE AVERAGE

Today, my aunt called for a little chit chat. After a bit of small talk and telling me she watched my 2 Part Secrets videos (wow, the vids are getting reach?!), she asked:

So, what do you do? Are you a therapist or counsellor or something?

(Side note: Family never really know what you do. What degree you did. Or what you're up to. And it's endearing they ask. Still, they probably will never understand. And it's not their job to. It's your job to stay on task, on mission, on purpose, and making your life exceptional, so it matters very little what others think.)

And this is the EXACT response I gave her.

"No, Ming (Khmer word for Aunty), I am not a therapist or a counsellor. I don't have that training, that's not up my alley. I'm a life enthusiast, and I want an above average marriage. I've worked out a few things, and continue to practice things everyday. I share my greatest lessons, and if this makes sense to people, they come with me on the journey of aiming for above average. They can buy my coaching programs or they can buy some essential oils, or both, to help them navigate. I'm just a girl, wanting an above average marriage and life".

And so she responds: Ahh, okay, like that You Tube stuff that my kids watch. Oh I see... yep... oh that's nice.

(2nd side note: Refer to 1st side note).

I'm chuffed people take interest. I'm even more chuffed when people MAKE A DECISION to be above average. And I'm not talking about getting measured by your kids' school reports. I'm talking about YOUR daily actions, YOUR mindsets, and YOUR behaviours.

I love aspiring for above average .... because anything else is boring, quite frankly.

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Want an above average marriage? Here are some tips:
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- Display *above average* patience (doing an invisible Zip-It over the lips works very well)

- Listen intently with *above average* listening ears (What is your husband complaining / whinging / airing grievances / stressed about? This will give you clues on how you can support him.)

- Acknowledge you cannot change others; therefore the only person you can change is YOU. Be *above average* and have this emotional insight.

- Have 100% personal accountability (When things don't go to plan, when conflict arises, when arguments ensue, be accountable for your part. What did I say/do? How could can I communicate my expectations clearer?)

- Ask *above average* questions. A really good one is: 
How can I help you today, my darling?

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So... the point is... you are the decision maker of your own life. You can decide how you will live it, what you want to feel etc.

I am committed to ABOVE AVERAGE in all aspects of my life. 
My Marriage, presence with my Kids, Health, Emotional Status, Finances, Well Being, Ability to Serve and Give Back. Because anything less than that is totally unsexy.

I hope you want ABOVE AVERAGE, too. 
If you're keen and not sure where to start, I can help. 
Send me a message and say "I want above average too" and it will be my greatest joy and delight steer you in the right direction.

x Nat

The One word that sets your conversation up for failure

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“YOU ARE LATE AGAIN! YOU JUST DON’T CARE!”

 

Starting off a confrontation with “YOU” sets you up for immediate failure.

We cannot ever resolve an issue if we Blame, Shame or Criticise.

 

Using the word “YOU” is inherently making accusations - and human nature will dictate an immediate DEFENCE.

If we blame, shame and criticise, it’s game over.

 

Starting with “YOU” will quickly escalate into a scream off - with each party trying to get their point across.

If we blame, shame and criticise, we will continue the cycle of frustration.

 

SO WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?

Replace the word “YOU” with “I FEEL”.

What does this do?

“I FEEL…” removes the finger point (the blame, the shame, the criticism).

It gives us permission to state how we feel.

It creates a safe place to do so because your spouse does not feel under attack.

When he’s not threatened - he’s more likely embrace and allow you to express how you feel.

No-one can judge, dismiss or invalidate (though they may) - but the point is - it is how you feel and you have every piece of permission to feel this way. You are safe in this place.

We are quick to blame (because, heck, it’s never our fault!*)

(*please note sarcasm)

We cannot accept personal responsibility.

Will create defensiveness - you will not get anywhere.

Use I feel statements

They are a softer start - and they can still communicate the same thing.

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ACTION STEPS:

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Remove “YOU”

Replace with “I FEEL”

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Next time you have to get something off your chest - try these phrases and get creative! Would love to hear what's worked for you. xx