The One word that sets your conversation up for failure

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“YOU ARE LATE AGAIN! YOU JUST DON’T CARE!”

 

Starting off a confrontation with “YOU” sets you up for immediate failure.

We cannot ever resolve an issue if we Blame, Shame or Criticise.

 

Using the word “YOU” is inherently making accusations - and human nature will dictate an immediate DEFENCE.

If we blame, shame and criticise, it’s game over.

 

Starting with “YOU” will quickly escalate into a scream off - with each party trying to get their point across.

If we blame, shame and criticise, we will continue the cycle of frustration.

 

SO WHAT’S THE SOLUTION?

Replace the word “YOU” with “I FEEL”.

What does this do?

“I FEEL…” removes the finger point (the blame, the shame, the criticism).

It gives us permission to state how we feel.

It creates a safe place to do so because your spouse does not feel under attack.

When he’s not threatened - he’s more likely embrace and allow you to express how you feel.

No-one can judge, dismiss or invalidate (though they may) - but the point is - it is how you feel and you have every piece of permission to feel this way. You are safe in this place.

We are quick to blame (because, heck, it’s never our fault!*)

(*please note sarcasm)

We cannot accept personal responsibility.

Will create defensiveness - you will not get anywhere.

Use I feel statements

They are a softer start - and they can still communicate the same thing.

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ACTION STEPS:

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Remove “YOU”

Replace with “I FEEL”

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Next time you have to get something off your chest - try these phrases and get creative! Would love to hear what's worked for you. xx